C’mon now, who do you think all those P.T. Barnum ads about low testosterone are for?
One of my favorite music videos of all time (after the White Stripes’ Lego version of “Fell in Love with a Girl”) is Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines.” And yes, I mean the version where the three girls are 99% naked. That last 1% of coverage might not be much, but it makes all the difference. In fact, that’s enough of an excuse to watch it again. (Sadly, embedding does not work.)
You may have heard that Thicke’s wife, Paula Patton (pictured with him, above) planned to divorce him because of his wicked ways with women. If anything, “Blurred Lines” at the surface seems like a pretty risque video for a married guy to do. I know you won’t believe me, but Paula and Robin’s separation has nothing to do with blazing hot genetic impossibility Emily Ratajkowski.
(But seriously, just type in “Emily” to Google, which will often helpfully and immediately offer Ms. Ratajkowski as your first item.)
Yes, Robin Thicke’s wife approved of his heavy PG-13 video, perky tits and all. In fact, it’s not crazy to think that Paula Patton was right there on set—she’s an actress herself (currently appearing in the film “adaptation” of World of Warcraft, for some reason). The “Blurred Lines” video was produced more than a year ago, in fact—and their possibly pending divorce came up only a few weeks ago. What happened between now and then? Your hint is that what happened was the most-tweeted event in history.
That foam finger was scarred for life.
“I don’t get it, Miley wore more clothes at the VMAs than Emily did in the music video.” Right, that’s how a heterosexual male would look at it. There’s no question that millions of people saw both the “Blurred Lines” music video and the VMAs, so it’s not like Ms. Patton was embarrassed by tons of people seeing her husband mack another woman.
If anything, women crowd-source the value of their men. Another girl or two flirts with your man? You may get jealous, but it’s also a confirmation that you chose a good product. How does your man handle it? Does he turn into a beta supplicator? Does he rush to ensure you of his pure motives? Or is he cocky and funny toward the other women? A woman will be happiest if her man accurately values himself in regard to women and the world—especially if he accurately values both her and the other women, and remains loyal to her.
Paula Patton is beautiful and likely quite aware of all this (though she probably will not be able to explain it). Something was okay with Robin Thicke’s adventures with the topless models that was not okay with Miley Cyrus. And there is the heart of their potential divorce.
From a man, a woman desires three things:
- The best sperm she can obtain without threatening the next two items, below.
- The best and most consistent provision she can reasonably obtain.
- Relatively increased social status (i.e., relative to other women).
In the case of Paula Patton, can you tell which of the three was threatened? Of course, it was #3: social status. Emily Ratajkowski is a sweet-natured self-content super model, while Miley Cyrus is the slutty dumbass offspring of white trash parents. The “Blurred Lines” music video was a fairly sophisticated and humorous ode to the control women exert over sexuality while Miley Cyrus is a dumpster fire. By cavorting through a doofy dance number in front of millions, Robin Thicke quite publicly displayed lower status.
It was bad enough that Paula said she wanted to leave him. That’s pretty horrifically bad. Mr. Thicke has been in beta comfort mode for a while now, very publicly asking to return to her good graces. He performs songs written about her, and has returned to being a classy R&B star—partying with Mr. Classy himself, Leonardo DiCaprio, instead of someone like Ke$ha or Miley Cyrus.
Ms. Patton’s ire has subsided. No divorce was initiated; she didn’t even consult a lawyer.
Of course you likely now understand that low-testosterone ads are aimed at women. While it’s much more healthy to control and increase testosterone naturally, the low-testosterone ad taps deeply into one of the three reasons a woman will upend her universe and leave her man. Men, don’t make hormone replacement therapy your first solution. Lift weights, eat meat, do something competitive, and above all, fuck your woman senseless.
UPDATED 4/3/2015: Apparently Robin’s beta comfort efforts did not have his intended effect. As of a couple of weeks ago, Paula insisted via TMZ that their divorce is a “done deal.” Robin’s showing emotional weakness in the face of his stupidity with Miley did not work. Pushing emotional romance and attempting to negotiate desire, in the middle of a woman’s visceral/biological disgust for you, will never work.